There was a girl I knew a lifetime ago. I always knew I was part of her, but I never quite understood her.


Her name is MORANA. For those of you who do not know what that name means, let me explain. Simply it means death, but death isn’t simple in the least bit and neither is she. She seeks to destroy. Intoxication is her favorite method. It is the method she used on me.
Morana manifested herself through me. Stole my body, stole my mind, stole my innocence, and left me with nothing. Well, almost nothing. I had her, of course. I was young and naive and in need. She spoke so sweetly, you must understand. She found me curled up crying one night and wrapped me up tight in her arms. She was so warm… I can still hear her singing softly into my ear. I still feel her fingers in my hair. Sometimes I can still feel her coursing through me like she did that night.

Dark red hair, Gray eyes, full scarlet lips, Yellow teeth, Cigarette burning to the butt between my grimy fingertips. She smiled in dismay at my appearance. It was the only way she knew how to smile. She had made me. She created me. Carved me out of Adam. Formed me out of dirt. She never failed to tell me I was a filthy girl and it was about time I started acting like it. She gave me the worst headaches while screaming in my head You’re a filthy dirty grimy disgusting human, but you’re the first I’ve bent so I think I’ll keep you. I think I’ll teach you how to make it in this world. I’ll tell you what to do, what to say, what to wear, and how to act. Hush, child. You’re my creation. I obediently nodded and thanked her.
I became a prostitute. Don’t feel sorry for me, it’s what she wanted. She needed the affection of another human even if it was given through me. She learned nothing of love, but I was taught plenty about heartache.
I became a drug addict. Don’t pity me, it’s what she needed. I wanted to do all I could to help her, after all she did create me. She did save me. In turn, I gave her what she needed to survive. I feared nothing more than losing her. I didn’t fear the thought of death; she was already inside of me.
I reaped what she sewed, but it didn’t matter. I was never alone. I had someone to sing to me. I had someone to keep my blood from going cold.
One day, I was given an option. An option I fretted over three years. I was given the alternative to be alive. Morana would shriek in my ear WHAT GOOD IS LIFE WITHOUT ME, KRISTEN? I CREATED YOU! Realizing all the anger and resentment did was making me want her gone her song changed… My dear, you need me. Don’t you see? Look at what I’ve done for you. I’ve dried your tears, I’ve given you thrills, and I have never forsaken you. I will never leave you. You are mine. Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? The bond we have is so much stronger than love could ever be… We are one… She was so convincing. She was so right. She kept my eyes dry. She kept my spirits up, but now I was faced with a decision. I was being offered what I had originally wanted. She was merely a replacement for what I really needed.
I began to analyze my very existence. I needed time and space, but she wouldn’t give it to me. She told me it was impossible. That once she was gone she was gone. She gave me an ultimatum. I took the fall. I let her go and the past year and a half I’ve had without her have been the hardest times of my life. Ironically, I handle myself better without her. When worse comes to worse I fix myself, not her.
Every now and then I can still hear her singing in my ear…

Hush, sweet child, I am here. Hush, sweet child, I will never forsake you… Hush…